Lessons for a father - The Leader I Want To Be (A Prayer)

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I wanted to commemorate a huge personal milestone with something special. Writing a blog for at least a year has been on my bucket list and today marks the 1st anniversary of that effort. What I have written below summarizes the kind of leadership I want to follow. Whether it is for my son at home or my team at work, I do hope I can make a tiny, but positive, difference in their lives. Thank you for being a part of the journey till now. Normal services resume next week.

He who does what ought to be done.
He who kneels, but only to his One True Master.
He who works with justice and reason, his two best friends,
And with courage and conviction, hand in hand.
He who lauds enemies, not friends alone.
He who walks the extra mile,
And goes back to bring others along too.
He who scales the highest mountains and still knows,

He is but a speck of dust.
In his image, cast me Lord.
For that is how I wish to serve thee.

Lessons for a father - What Is Your Least Favorite Word?

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We all know that words are supremely powerful. Whether it is a request or an order, love, hate, justice, inspiration or leadership, we all use words to describe and communicate the feeling.

It should be no surprise then, that we are told time and again to choose our words well. I have also realized over the years, I am sure all of us have, that we like and dislike some words more than the others.

So here is my question for you: What is your least favorite word? (Use this link to let me know!)

Mine is the word almost.

I do not like it because it conveys the story but in a very non-transparent way. Consider the following statements that have "almost" in them:

• The project was almost successful.
• Your child is almost walking.
• I was almost on time for the meeting.
• I almost followed the rule, or 
• I am almost certain of it.

All these statements, apart from having the word almost in them, have something else in common. They do not really mean anything. At least not what they are supposed to mean.

An almost successful project could be a failure. An almost timely arrival to a meeting will still not be called professionalism. Almost following the rule and driving over the speed limit, for example, might still get you a well deserved speeding ticket. Almost certain still makes us unsure.

Both leadership and parenthood force us into situations where we can make mistakes. I have never been against failure or making mistakes. What I dislike, at a very personal level, is being indecisive about something. So here is a tip: When you are unsure of what to do, read and learn about it as much as you can, and then make a decision and no matter what happens, learn from it.

What other words do you think should just not exist?

Lessons for a father - A Supercar And Teamwork

Image Courtesy: Top Gear

What does a super car and teamwork have in common? Maybe there is nothing on the surface, but there is a lot of commonality if we looked "under the hood".

The Car

The car I in question (and oh, what a car it is!!) is the Porche 918. Consider this from the car's Wikipedia page:

The Spyder is powered by a 4.6 litre V8 engine, developing 608 horsepower (453 kW), with two electric motors delivering an additional 279 horsepower (208 kW) for a combined output of 887 horsepower (661 kW).

Those are some very big numbers belonging to a very good car. There are a few numbers and facts which are more than just technical specifications. They represent to me the very foundation of great teamwork.

A 4.6 litre V8 engine giving 608 horsepower is a very strong engine. It can be the core of a good car. However, that engine, coupled with 2 electric motors and an additional 279 horsepower, delivers possibly the greatest car of today. 

The 2 different sets of technology and innovation display teamwork and, in the words of Aristotle, the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts.

And Us

So what is the commonality then?

We work with multiple people in a day. It does not matter what we do in life - professionally or otherwise. At work, if we are a part of an organization, we might be working with sales, accounting, administration, engineering and marketing. At home, we might be working with our spouse, our children and members of the group fondly, and collectively, referred to as "family and friends".

If we, with our individuality intact, work towards a common goal of being successful (whatever our definition of success be) we can create our own version of the Porche. We can create a team of super charged components that can leave any competition trailing in our wake and do seemingly impossible things.

If we are able to emulate what the beautiful piece of machine has proved to be possible, where we work not just to give our best individually but also work towards the benefit of the entire team, who knows,  we might even get away with the price tag of US$ 845,000.

Lessons for a father - Here Is How To Be Happy

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Eureka!!!!! 

Archimedes is supposed to have said that many years ago when he stepped into a bath and noticed that the water level rose. He is said to have been so eager to share his discovery that he leapt out of his bathtub and ran through the streets of Syracuse (Sicily) naked. 

Enough about Archimedes though. I want to talk about something that is very close to me.

I have always believed that happiness comes from within. External sources, circumstances and events usually play a very temporary role in elevating, or exacerbating, what is already within.

So, the question really is: How do we get happy and remain that way?

Multiple theories exist to do that. However my favorite one, a belief that I had been harboring, was given a huge boost from Dan Gilbert (way back in 2004 but I heard his TED talk this week). According to Mr. Gilbert, a Harvard psychologist, our beliefs in what makes us happy are often wrong.

He suggests, like I have always believed, that if we tell ourselves (yes, it's that simple!) that we are happy, our mind does weird things and responds with happiness. 

So, there it is - the key to being happy is making ourselves believe that we are happy. The key is to tell ourselves, constantly and without a shred of skepticism, that we deserve all the good that we have, the bad will go away with time and effort and true happiness is within us.

It is very important, both at work and more importantly at home, to achieve a level of happiness that does not leave our side when the going gets tough. To bring joy to this world that seems to crave for chaos is a noble service that we should all indulge in.

Find Happiness. Feel Inspired. Dream Mighty Things.

Lessons for a father - Of Passion And Creation

I was going to write about something else this week but a couple of events changed that. The events were triggered by two people that seem to be all about taking risks and seem to take their sense of curiosity very seriously.

The first event was the launch of the beta version of an online game called "Chronos". The game's developer, Luke Pammant, works with me in my team and I have the privilege to have him as a good friend as well. He doubles up as someone that regularly gives me an opportunity to better myself. This game that he has developed is his passion written in code 

The second event was closer to home. Our son decided to take his first steps towards making his Mom (the only person that really matters if he wants to live a happy life) very proud. The picture that you see on the left is his first successful project with Lego blocks. 

Are there lessons for me here? Lots actually. 

As a witness to the development process of Chronos, I have realized, through Luke's efforts, that a healthy dose of passion towards what we are trying to accomplish always helps. Add to that a helping of curiosity and creativity and what you might get is an unstoppable force helping you on your road to success.

Both my teachers, this week, are very young in years but their relentless march towards creating things (whether through software or playing blocks) and being fiercely passionate about what they like doing is a lesson that great leaders have been teaching us for years.

So let us do ourselves a favor this week - let us write (story, poetry, code, blog or anything else), cook, paint, sing, dance, build or do anything else that we are passionate about. If not for us, then to honor those, among us, that still have the hunger and fire to dream mighty things.

Chronos URL: http://chronos.vitalsigns.biz

Lessons for a father - Parkinson's Law (Part 2)

If you, as I do very much, like working on fun things, you would know the meaning of Mr. C. Northcote Parkinson's statement.

Widely appreciated as the Law Of Delay, it is just one of many ways that allows people like me to, possibly, not work on things we do not want to work on.

Let us be honest though, and not let our hopes wander. All of us work on things, daily, that we do not like to do. Even the best of parents would not like to change diapers. In a professional setting, no amount of leadership experience can make you like giving negative feedback or letting someone go. We do it because it needs to be done.

The law was laid out for bureaucrats but holds true in just about any setting. 

Take for example the fact that I have been delaying going to the doctor for many months now to get my physical done. Is it OK that I am doing that? No. I am delaying meeting up with my physician because I hate going to a doctor. I justify it by saying that I am in good physical condition and doctors would find something wrong that is really not there.That will not be the case, I am sure. It is just my unfair way of handling the issue.

Teaching our son to say a few words or count and working with our professional teams to get better can come across as something that can be put off to another day. That day will have its own set of challenges and by the time we are ready to do what needed to be done weeks ago, life would have moved on. Sadly, that is how it usually transpires.

So here is an extension of my previous post that gave me a lifetime to learn new things (read it here: Parkinson's Law (Part 1)). Even if we had all the time in the world to learn and get better at whatever it is that we do, it has to start somewhere and at some time. It seems like "NOW" is a very opportune moment.  

All thanks to Mr. Cyril Northcote Parkinson, formerly of the British Civil Service, of course.

Lessons for a father - Parkinson's Law (Part 1)

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Of all the laws that we have been exposed to since we were young and, among them, by people that have done us the huge honor of devising multiple laws, Parkinson's are my favorite (I apologize profusely, Sir Isaac Newton! You were a close second.).

There are quite a few of these laws by Cyril Northcote Parkinson a British Civil Servant in the 1950s, and all of them seem to have a common strain - that of increasing efficiency by decreasing bureaucracy in our daily lives. 

I like the laws because it keeps the humor intact while giving us an insight into how inefficient we all can really become. All of us, at some point in our lives, have experienced, first hand, the presence of Parkinson's law #1. 

Simply named after the man himself, it suggests that "[our] work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion". 

We procrastinate or we have a bad day or we had a restless night (try having a sick kid for 2 weeks and come to work all fresh and raring to go!). It might even be something as extreme (and scary!) as not loving what you do. Whatever the reason be, all of us have bowed to the supremacy of Parkinson's law at least once in our lives.

Mr. Parkinson, in his now famous essay in the Economist and a book, has provided multiple examples of why his theory is correct. I want to, however, look at the law under a different light.

What if the work was something I loved doing? What if the time that I had to complete it was my whole life? In other words, consider this: I love to learn new things. Wouldn't the law still hold true if instead of a few hours or days, I took an entire life to finish my work - to learn? I think it will.

So a law, formulated in the 1950s, has given me a very "legal" opportunity to learn and get better. There is nothing stopping me, neither God nor Government - since both seem to be on my side now, from being the best son, husband, father, friend, student, writer, software developer, blogger, mentor, or whatever else I want to be. I do not need to be the best in the next few years. Thanks to Mr. Cyril Northcote Parkinson, formerly of the British Civil Service, I have my entire life!

Lessons for a father - The Missing I In A Team

There is no "I" in a team.

I have heard that so many times now that it has started to lose its charm. 

Literally, the letter "I" does not form a part of the word "Team". That is correct. 

What I do not agree with is the figurative meaning of the missing "I". The phrase suggests that constituents of a team should not hold on to their individual aspirations and work solely towards the benefit of their team.

Do not get me wrong. I love being a part of my team, but that fact should not stop anyone from doing what is best for themselves. Also, the limitations of a team should not inhibit individual extra-ordinariness.

True teamwork happens when individuals compliment each other and become good cohesively. Take for example someone that is great at software development but has a hard time giving a presentation. An environment that fosters teamwork can help the person remove that weakness. The weakness or the strength, however, still belongs to the individual. Hence the removal of such a weakness is also the person's responsibility. A team can only provide the right tools for us to get better.  True teams allow for individual growth, for aspirations and ambitions to flourish based on a very simple notion:

What you do should be good for you AND the team that you belong to.

An individual with the right combination of intent and intelligence can take a team to very high levels of success. They can also make sure that the other "I"'s of the team do not feel an obligation to tow the team line. 

In the absence of such diversity, where individual capabilities, ideas and aspirations do not hold significance to others, success cannot flourish. For us to take the road from good to great, we must be ready to break rules, stereotypes and status-quo. And for that to happen, the "I" in the team has to take the road less traveled and make an appearance.

Think about Apple. You cannot but picture the greatness of Steve Jobs. Take Microsoft for an example, but try to think about it without Bill Gates. Or an India without Gandhi or an America without Martin Luther King or a South Africa without Mandela. These individuals provided teams and organizations and nations an opportunity to be great. Part of a team, yes, but individually mighty!

Lessons for a father - Loving The Uncomfortable

I like being comfortable. It allows me to be in a state where I can think clearly and with a lot of confidence. Once I am in my comfort zone, I am very certain of success.

There is a problem with being in my comfort zone for too long though. I start to stagnate. And we all know what stagnation does. It makes things stink. That, unfortunately, is true with people as well. Not literally of course, but professionally.

It becomes almost pertinent then, that we strive towards getting out of our comfort zone. Being uncomfortable should become the order of our day and doing things that we do not like doing should top our list.

For some of us that might mean talking to strangers (give someone you do not know a compliment). For others it might translate to wearing a tie and a jacket. For the risk takers amongst us, it might be asking a person of interest out on a date or the hardest thing of all - apologizing.

There are multiple ways of being uncomfortable, with the intent to improve as a person and a professional. 

As a parent, trying to reason with a toddler that does not give in to reason or logic can be a very uncomfortable position to be in. How do you convince someone who cannot live without eating that piece of paper that it might do him harm? You learn. You adapt and sometimes you give in to being the parent that made the kid cry.

There are a few rules I follow that help me get into my zone of discomfort which usually leads to me finding out something new about myself. Here they are:

• Be curious: Ask a whole lot of What-Ifs.
• Be passionate about being better: This helps me in attempting things I have not tried before.
• Be patient: Being uncomfortable is not easy. Be ready to fail before succeeding.
• Be committed: Failure should not deter you from trying again.
• Celebrate your success: You changed something about yourself. You learned something new. Your relationship got better with someone. Celebrate this.

There is usually nothing better than finding something about ourselves that we were previously unaware of. I was not sure about my blogging skills before I started writing these. I took a risk and I must admit that this has been an eye opener.

Has being uncomfortable led to your personal growth? If so, how?

Lessons for a father - Unquantifiable Wealth

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Do me a favor. Read the title of the post again. Unquantifiable wealth does not refer solely to money. It is the possession of things that are valuable to us.

And, who is it that would determine what is valuable to us?

Us, of course.

Having a lot of money might make us rich. Love, faith, honor, duty, friendship, hope, experience and giving are some traits that can make us truly wealthy. So wealthy in fact, that we can change lives.

I consider myself to be Scrooge McDuck sometimes.

Why? No, I do not have a money bin. What I do have is an enormous amount of a lot of other things. 

I have the most beautiful and wonderful family someone could ask for. I have friends that share my life with me. I have a team, at work, that gives me the honor and privilege to lead them. And, all of these people make me wealthier by having trust in me and my abilities - as a son, a husband, a father, a friend, a leader and, most importantly, as a human being.

What I also have are great stories. Stories of people, and leaders, that shared their abundance with others. I have had the fortune of meeting some of these people. They are wealthy beyond belief because they have a capacity to live so they could serve others. They made lives better and provided this service without expecting anything in return.

We might have all the money in the world, but our true wealth has no place in a bank. Our true wealth is within us and around us.

It is this wealth that gives me strength in times of adversity. My wealth allows me to be passionate about things I care for and to find solutions for problems.

I do not have millions of dollars in my possession. What I do have, however, is an enormous amount of more important things; wealth that I am very thankful for.

What about you? What are you most thankful for? Let me know by clicking here.

Lessons for a father - Perception Of Truth

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Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. Mark Twain said that, and humor apart, he was right about truth being our most valuable possession.

Let me add something to the great man's words (I hope he doesn't mind): Truth is the most valuable and powerful thing we have.

What if we had the power to mold truth into anything we wanted? Would that make us more powerful than TRUTH itself?

Well, we do have that power. And it is not always a bad thing.

Let me give you an example: If someone were to tell you that the organization that you work at is the best in the world or the product that the organization creates is better than any similar product, would you believe that to be true? How about if someone were to tell you that your son was the most intelligent toddler they ever met? Would you believe the person now?

Almost anyone (person or organization) will probably say they are better than some others at some point in their lives (yes, organizations have lives too!). But, do we believe that, just like we would, for instance, believe that 2 added to another 2 is always 4?

The difference between the 2 cases is good old belief.

It does not matter whether we believe or not that 2 added to 2 will give us 4. It is the truth and our lack of belief in it will not alter it.

If we, however, start believing that what we are creating, the people that we are working with and the organization that we are working as is the best in the world, that is all that matters. Our belief, our perception makes it true for us. Our belief in the intelligence of our toddler makes him a force to reckon with. We become believers and there is no stopping us now!

Perception of truth comes from how we choose to interpret what happens to us. Our interpretation of an event cannot, fortunately, be tied to a set of rules that need to be followed. They our ours. They make us stronger, give us focus and allow us to set goals for ourselves.

Take my interpretation of truth, my perception of reality, away and all I am left with is numbers and logic. I love numbers and logic. I like reason more, and reason tells me that numbers are not running the world, us humans are, and what drives us forward is our belief that we can keep moving forward, that we can get up after falling down or after setbacks and eventually, we will be better than what we are.

Lessons for a father - What We Need

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A couple of years ago, my wife and I started a rule. Before we bought anything we would ask each other "do we need it or want it ?". I did not expect for the little household experiment to succeed.

My reason was very simple: we were not suffering from, fortunately, any financial crisis, both of us work hard and have our own ways of unwinding and, lastly, like any right minded shopper in the world - of course everything we wanted was something we needed.

Mostly because my wife is a genius, and a little because I listen to her, surprisingly, we succeeded. Well, mostly succeeded. There are a couple of things that would fall under the "want" category. But by doing what we did, we were able to clear a lot of clutter from our lives.

Ever since we had our son, that particular rule has been set to the back-burner. Why? Well, try telling a mother that her son does not NEED the new toys or clothes, or the shoes. You will fail and wish you had invested in a better couch. 

Lesson to all fathers out there - never come in between a mother and what she wants to buy for her child. Make it a rule and stick to it.

What I decided to do, almost at the same time as we started following the rule at home, is to take it to work. The reason, again, was very simple. If I offered a service of telling people what they needed instead of what they wanted to hear, I would save them a lot of "clutter".

I did not succeed as much as I wanted to.

As much as we, all of us, pretend to have everything under control and know what is going on, we generally do not. We react to what happens around us and there is only a very small part of our lives that actually functions like we want it to.

So, for someone to tell us, even justifiably, that the project we were undertaking was going to fail, or that our way of handling a situation was rubbish or that we could improve in an area of our life that we thought we were perfect at, is a very hard task to undertake. What made it even harder was that the people had not asked for it. I was providing it, as a service, without them looking for it.

Lesson learned. You could have the capacity to make the next Google but if the people that you made it for are not ready for it, your project is going to be a failure.

When I got the opportunity to have my own team, I craved for and built a team that would tell me, without any hesitation, what I needed to hear. I know what I want. They, sometimes, know better than me what I need.

Now I have a great team at home and at work. What else could a man ask for? Hurrah!!!

Do you have a team that tells you what you need to hear? Let me know by clicking here.

Lessons for a father - The Child In Us

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All of us are born with purity, love and curiosity. With time, however, this usually gives way to other things. Some good and some not so much. What we also lose out on, sometimes, is the freedom to do and be anything we want. Another characteristic of our childhood.

I miss that - those carefree days with neither fear nor concern for the unknown. All we were concerned about was playing more than we were allowed to (just 5 more minutes Mom!!!) and carrying on with a "devil may care" attitude.

Leadership, political correctness, inspiration and goals were something the adults were there to care about. We were there to have fun and nothing more.

Our son reminds me, daily, that it is his time to go through that amazing time and for me to be the adult that has to care about things that do not matter to him. Life has certainly come full circle. He has perfected his art. I am a work in progress at best.

But then I thought to myself, why can't we let the child in us continue to do what it does best? 

Let us continue to be passionate about things we truly care about no matter how big or small they are. Let us not worry about failure and go to sleep exhausted after giving everything we have to whatever it is that we do.

Let us find pleasure in the little things, let us cry and laugh like we mean it, make new and best friends in a day and share with them all that we have.

Let us be curious about things we know nothing about, and be an entrepreneur with a curb side lemonade stand or while delivering the daily newspaper or while selling imperfectly shaped, but usually much better tasting, home made cookies. 

Let us never give up but take failure in our stride when it does happen. Let us all dare mighty things.

Yes, I find a great amount of pleasure in a project well done. But nothing makes me warm and giddy inside like when Mom, all wide eyed and bewildered, used to ask me, after my hard day's labor in the playing field, "what happened to you?".

Lessons for a father - A Mind Without Fear

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Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can, if people choose to use it, also be a way of getting things done. 

To be frightened is a very natural thing. Almost all of us fear something or the other. So, the question really is not whether we should harbor fear or not, the question is: what should we do about it?

Being a parent one of the biggest fears, or concern, remains that of the well being of our child. We, both my wife and I, work towards making sure that he is safe and secure and well looked after. 

Leadership, at work, should give us similar opportunities with our team. The well being of the team should definitely be a part of our to-do list.

What should, however, not be a part of the list is the fear of failure. If we start a venture, no matter how big or small, being frightened or being tied up with the omnipresent "what if", makes sure that our chances of success take a beating.

For example, at home, despite all our efforts, our child might bump against something. At work, we might have the best laid plans, and the project might not be as successful as we wanted it to be.

So what?

Instead of being frightened, let us learn from our mistakes and move on.

Leadership is not about cowering with the possibility of being unsuccessful. It is about making sure that we give our best to whatever it is that we are doing. It is about facing our fears, accepting it but not stopping. 

Another way of dealing with our fears is to not do what frightens us. That can be a solution.

But, in a time when we are expected to conform, we need people that can lead. In a world that craves for people that are good at following guidelines and rules, it almost becomes pertinent for a leader to work towards breaking the status quo.

Let us all, for the new year, promise ourselves to clear our minds of fear, strive towards success, not stop if we face failure but rise above it and grab what we want and deserve.

Two words - Hope and Change can alter the course of a nation. Fearlessness in the face of adversity will, most certainly, drive a nation forward.

In the famous words of one of the greatest Indians, Rabindranath Tagore:

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake

Lessons for a father - Que Será, Será

Image Courtesy: Pinterest

Just like leadership, there are multiple ways of parenting as well. Neither is right or wrong necessarily, but the result might be. Styles of parenting, or leadership, I think, can be divided into 3 major categories:

1. When we try and control everything
2. When we provide inspiration and an environment for success to happen
3. When we practice a hands-off attitude and let events occur

All 3 have their pros and cons. 

If we were to mould our parenting and leadership style on the first type, trying to control everything usually leads to a decline in mutual trust and a sense of confinement. Those we lead, as parents or professionally, might feel stifled in the long run and the relationship and growth usually goes haywire. 

The second type allows us the creation of an environment for success and doing things that inspire others to give their best. It is a very hard task requiring a very dedicated effort while spending a lot of time. We have to, very deliberately, create an environment that focuses on camaraderie, clarity, openness and trust. Only then can success really happen.

The last one requires, possibly, the least amount of labor on our part. It might also be termed a "laid back" approach to parenting and leadership. All we have to do is train ourselves to believe that we cannot influence people or the overall environment around us. Just like the song - Que Será, Será, whatever will be, will be. At that point, we stop being leaders and start representing the proverbial cog in the wheel. 

We see a lot of the latter in modern day sociopolitical setting as well as, sometimes and sadly, in our professional lives. With the right to express our views, we change from do-ers to commentators. We become experts, overnight, with multiple opinions and forget the 2 very basic principles of leadership:

1. Fence dwellers cannot be leaders. For us to be able to lead, we have to be a part of what is going on - a system, a game, an event, whatever it might be. Being in one does not mean being blind. Being a part of the system would allow us to learn the rules and limitations so we could break them if we need to and make the system better.
2. For us to be leaders, we need the company of a few people that trust us. Without the belief of those people around us, we are not leaders; we are just another person with, may be, a bunch of theoretical nonsense going on in our heads.

The coming holidays might be a very good chance to lay back and think about moving away from the extremes a little bit. Let us give ourselves a chance to breathe, think, create, help and do. 

Let us all inspire people to succeed by themselves, while knowing enough to offer a helping hand if need be.

What kind of a leader do you want to be? Let me know. I would love to hear from you.

Lessons for a father - Invictus

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We, sadly, seem to be living in the age of excuses. They seem to be everywhere - both excuses and people that use them. 

To be different then, to do away with excuses and get down to the business of doing things, requires courage, conviction and, sometimes, the ability to not give a damn.

The Bigger Question(s)

Why is it necessary to be the maverick anyways? Why isn't everyone OK with following the rules that have been so clearly laid out? Why, then, do we find a need to question and break status quo on a daily basis? 

These rules, after all, have been there for hundreds of years and have served us well till now. 

Haven't they?

The Problem Is Us

I think humanity excels at creating boundaries. Not just the geo-political kind but the ones that create limitations and barriers for all of us. What makes the world go round these days, is less a hunger to improve and more the word "should".

We should all go to college. We should all become scientists. We should all marry and have children and a dog and a house. We should all gauge our level of patriotism by our decision to join the military. And once we are done with ourselves, we should make sure that our children follow the same rules. 

Why "should" they do anything different? That would be anarchy. People thinking by themselves and for themselves is nothing but unruliness, which should be looked down upon. Right? 

Wrong.

Look at what Nelson Mandela did. He was sent to prison for more than 20 years on charges of being a terrorist in South Africa. 

Instead of living with anger he forgave everyone, abolished apartheid in his country and became one of the most loved leaders of his people. "Madiba" became South Africa's Gandhi. He became their Martin Luther King. 

He could have easily done what was expected of him. He could have given up in the prison. He could have spread hatred and could have easily chosen to be the leader of only a part of South Africa. 

He did not do that. With all the hardships and pain, he became a medium of tolerance, love and change. Through the strength of character and his spirit he became unconquerable - invictus.

The Lesson For All Of Us

Leadership requires us to change and break boundaries. It requires us to be courageous in times of adversity and calm in times of chaos.

Let us change the time then. Let us fight for things that really matter. Let us work on things that have been deemed impossible. Let us collaborate and innovate. Let us create solutions to problems that are as old as humanity itself. Let us cure Malaria, Tuberculosis, Cancer, AIDS and hatred. 

More importantly, let us lead the world towards an age where following our conscience becomes more important than following rules that do not matter any more. 

If things do not go your way, do remember that there is something that always belongs to you - you!

For as William Ernest Henly very aptly said:

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Lessons for a father - Worst enemy = Best friend

Image Courtesy: Flickr 

Being a geek, an affinity for data comes naturally to me. It usually gives me a lot pride in knowing how my team, at work, did in the past or whether following a different process to finish a project could have been better. 

The strategy to understand past actions and get better can, however, be a two-edged sword. What if the past holds us back from moving forward? The best friend, our previous experience, might turn into our worst enemy if we let is become a baggage for us.

While we deal with failure in our lives (all of us do at some point), the idea should be to learn from our mistakes but not base our future on the fact that we might have failed at the task once in the past. 

The flip side is also true. Just because we tasted success at accomplishing something in the past, should not guarantee that we will be successful this time as well.

Every day brings with it a fresh start. What we learn from our past should make us stronger and better poised to handle the future. If we, however, let our past successes and failures influence our future, we might become stagnant and stop growing.

Only by learning AND moving on, can we ensure that our friendship with experiences past remains intact and does not become a painful baggage that we carry with us.

Like the great Rudyard Kipling so wonderfully said

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

....

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Lessons for a father - The Most Underrated Part Of Parenthood

Parenthood is, and should be, the hardest thing that we ever commit ourselves to. So many things depend on us doing the right thing. That also is, sometimes, the tougher road to take. 

With the immense amount of work and care needed to raise a child, why would we choose something that is, from the very beginning, tough?

May be because we have lost our marbles? Or because we like putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations? 

Actually, we are all just trying to do the right thing, hard or not.

And, to try and do that all the time, we all require our health to be as close to perfect as possible.

The problem is this: we get so involved in sleeping and waking up (or not sleeping at all) and cooking and cleaning and playing and making the house child safe and driving and parenting that we do not take care of ourselves as much as we should.

Like the air stewardess says on the flight: If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.

Secure your mask first. Take care of yourself first. 

In other words, make yourself fit enough to help others before putting yourself in that position. We do that in the flight because it is the law. We seem to, as parents, not be doing such a great job at keeping ourselves in top shape in our daily lives.

I cannot say what it would take to make you healthier. For me it is usually a combination of good food in moderation, exercising and surrounding myself with happiness received from good books and great friends and family.

Everyday I commit myself to the following list:

• Exercising
• Reading a good book
• Interacting with positive people
• Constantly learning, absorbing and evolving
• Thinking of and thanking God for what I have and what I can offer.

With the holidays upon us, we will have multiple opportunities to indulge in abundance. Let us pause and make sure our decisions of today do not reflect badly in our tomorrow.

Image: Flickr(Fruit and Vegies)

Lessons for a father - Equal and Opposite

Many years ago Isaac Newton came up with his laws of motion. The laws still stand after all these years.

Out of the 3 laws of motion, the 3rd states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

That might be true for propelling a rocket or while applauding for example, but the question is this: Would the law stand for human behavior as well?

Let me ask the question in a different way: If you were to trust someone do you think the person is going to trust you back? How about issues with love, freedom and empowerment? All important things but reciprocity in the same form might be missing. 

How about truth? Would being truthful guarantee that you get truth in return?

I think the answer is a no!

Alas, it looks like Sir Newton's great third law of motion does not hold true with us humans.

The intention of any relationship, familial or professional is usually associated with forward motion. We are constantly working for our relationships to get better. How can we be better professionals? How can we be better husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters or friends? 

The "reaction" might not be there, but I think that we should not stop doing the right thing.

Leadership, parenthood and almost any successful relationship can be a wonderful experience if we become givers.

Over a period of time, with us setting the right example by being truthful, sharing, leading and spreading joy, who knows Sir Isaac Newton's wondrous 3rd law of motion might gain ground in getting us the right reactions as well.

Image: Wikipedia

Lessons for a father - There is an app for that?

This last week was probably the biggest week in my life as a Cricket fan. That one person that represented Indian Cricket, and was the epitome of everything that is still gentlemanly about the game decided to hang his boots and bid adieu to the game and millions of fans.

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar was not dubbed the "God Of Cricket" for his Cricket prowess alone though. It was the man himself with his fearlessness in the face of adversity, his composure and calm and his mentoring of the future cricketers. Overall he has been a true leader, a great cricketer and a gentleman.

What did it take for a small kid from a middle class family in India to become the biggest name of the cricketing world? According to the great man, it took a lot of practice, hard work and faith in his abilities.

That forced me to think. If we practice our art, work hard and believe in ourselves, can't we become great in our own fields? Anything that we are involved in, be it sports, finance, manufacturing or consulting, the goal should always be to become the "Tendulkar" of that field - the best that ever was and will be.

Greatness cannot be an easy thing to achieve. People that get there, toil hard for years without complaining. They work, usually, with similar impediments to their progress like the rest of us. The only difference is that they do not look for short-cuts and never lie to themselves.

Fatherhood for me is an opportunity to get better as a person. That too, like anything else, requires work, patience and conviction.

Leadership is something else that cannot be learned overnight. It is an art-form that gets better with practice. It needs trust and truth at its core. Without the core being correct, it can become like a house with a bad foundation. It might still work, but things are shaky at best.

Unfortunately, greatness and leadership can only be achieved with a lot of hard work and practice. Unlike almost everything else these days, there is no app for that.

Photo: Flickr(sourmash)