Lessons for a father - A Mind Without Fear

Image Courtesy: Flickr

Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can, if people choose to use it, also be a way of getting things done. 

To be frightened is a very natural thing. Almost all of us fear something or the other. So, the question really is not whether we should harbor fear or not, the question is: what should we do about it?

Being a parent one of the biggest fears, or concern, remains that of the well being of our child. We, both my wife and I, work towards making sure that he is safe and secure and well looked after. 

Leadership, at work, should give us similar opportunities with our team. The well being of the team should definitely be a part of our to-do list.

What should, however, not be a part of the list is the fear of failure. If we start a venture, no matter how big or small, being frightened or being tied up with the omnipresent "what if", makes sure that our chances of success take a beating.

For example, at home, despite all our efforts, our child might bump against something. At work, we might have the best laid plans, and the project might not be as successful as we wanted it to be.

So what?

Instead of being frightened, let us learn from our mistakes and move on.

Leadership is not about cowering with the possibility of being unsuccessful. It is about making sure that we give our best to whatever it is that we are doing. It is about facing our fears, accepting it but not stopping. 

Another way of dealing with our fears is to not do what frightens us. That can be a solution.

But, in a time when we are expected to conform, we need people that can lead. In a world that craves for people that are good at following guidelines and rules, it almost becomes pertinent for a leader to work towards breaking the status quo.

Let us all, for the new year, promise ourselves to clear our minds of fear, strive towards success, not stop if we face failure but rise above it and grab what we want and deserve.

Two words - Hope and Change can alter the course of a nation. Fearlessness in the face of adversity will, most certainly, drive a nation forward.

In the famous words of one of the greatest Indians, Rabindranath Tagore:

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake

Lessons for a father - Que Será, Será

Image Courtesy: Pinterest

Just like leadership, there are multiple ways of parenting as well. Neither is right or wrong necessarily, but the result might be. Styles of parenting, or leadership, I think, can be divided into 3 major categories:

1. When we try and control everything
2. When we provide inspiration and an environment for success to happen
3. When we practice a hands-off attitude and let events occur

All 3 have their pros and cons. 

If we were to mould our parenting and leadership style on the first type, trying to control everything usually leads to a decline in mutual trust and a sense of confinement. Those we lead, as parents or professionally, might feel stifled in the long run and the relationship and growth usually goes haywire. 

The second type allows us the creation of an environment for success and doing things that inspire others to give their best. It is a very hard task requiring a very dedicated effort while spending a lot of time. We have to, very deliberately, create an environment that focuses on camaraderie, clarity, openness and trust. Only then can success really happen.

The last one requires, possibly, the least amount of labor on our part. It might also be termed a "laid back" approach to parenting and leadership. All we have to do is train ourselves to believe that we cannot influence people or the overall environment around us. Just like the song - Que Será, Será, whatever will be, will be. At that point, we stop being leaders and start representing the proverbial cog in the wheel. 

We see a lot of the latter in modern day sociopolitical setting as well as, sometimes and sadly, in our professional lives. With the right to express our views, we change from do-ers to commentators. We become experts, overnight, with multiple opinions and forget the 2 very basic principles of leadership:

1. Fence dwellers cannot be leaders. For us to be able to lead, we have to be a part of what is going on - a system, a game, an event, whatever it might be. Being in one does not mean being blind. Being a part of the system would allow us to learn the rules and limitations so we could break them if we need to and make the system better.
2. For us to be leaders, we need the company of a few people that trust us. Without the belief of those people around us, we are not leaders; we are just another person with, may be, a bunch of theoretical nonsense going on in our heads.

The coming holidays might be a very good chance to lay back and think about moving away from the extremes a little bit. Let us give ourselves a chance to breathe, think, create, help and do. 

Let us all inspire people to succeed by themselves, while knowing enough to offer a helping hand if need be.

What kind of a leader do you want to be? Let me know. I would love to hear from you.

Lessons for a father - Invictus

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We, sadly, seem to be living in the age of excuses. They seem to be everywhere - both excuses and people that use them. 

To be different then, to do away with excuses and get down to the business of doing things, requires courage, conviction and, sometimes, the ability to not give a damn.

The Bigger Question(s)

Why is it necessary to be the maverick anyways? Why isn't everyone OK with following the rules that have been so clearly laid out? Why, then, do we find a need to question and break status quo on a daily basis? 

These rules, after all, have been there for hundreds of years and have served us well till now. 

Haven't they?

The Problem Is Us

I think humanity excels at creating boundaries. Not just the geo-political kind but the ones that create limitations and barriers for all of us. What makes the world go round these days, is less a hunger to improve and more the word "should".

We should all go to college. We should all become scientists. We should all marry and have children and a dog and a house. We should all gauge our level of patriotism by our decision to join the military. And once we are done with ourselves, we should make sure that our children follow the same rules. 

Why "should" they do anything different? That would be anarchy. People thinking by themselves and for themselves is nothing but unruliness, which should be looked down upon. Right? 

Wrong.

Look at what Nelson Mandela did. He was sent to prison for more than 20 years on charges of being a terrorist in South Africa. 

Instead of living with anger he forgave everyone, abolished apartheid in his country and became one of the most loved leaders of his people. "Madiba" became South Africa's Gandhi. He became their Martin Luther King. 

He could have easily done what was expected of him. He could have given up in the prison. He could have spread hatred and could have easily chosen to be the leader of only a part of South Africa. 

He did not do that. With all the hardships and pain, he became a medium of tolerance, love and change. Through the strength of character and his spirit he became unconquerable - invictus.

The Lesson For All Of Us

Leadership requires us to change and break boundaries. It requires us to be courageous in times of adversity and calm in times of chaos.

Let us change the time then. Let us fight for things that really matter. Let us work on things that have been deemed impossible. Let us collaborate and innovate. Let us create solutions to problems that are as old as humanity itself. Let us cure Malaria, Tuberculosis, Cancer, AIDS and hatred. 

More importantly, let us lead the world towards an age where following our conscience becomes more important than following rules that do not matter any more. 

If things do not go your way, do remember that there is something that always belongs to you - you!

For as William Ernest Henly very aptly said:

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Lessons for a father - Worst enemy = Best friend

Image Courtesy: Flickr 

Being a geek, an affinity for data comes naturally to me. It usually gives me a lot pride in knowing how my team, at work, did in the past or whether following a different process to finish a project could have been better. 

The strategy to understand past actions and get better can, however, be a two-edged sword. What if the past holds us back from moving forward? The best friend, our previous experience, might turn into our worst enemy if we let is become a baggage for us.

While we deal with failure in our lives (all of us do at some point), the idea should be to learn from our mistakes but not base our future on the fact that we might have failed at the task once in the past. 

The flip side is also true. Just because we tasted success at accomplishing something in the past, should not guarantee that we will be successful this time as well.

Every day brings with it a fresh start. What we learn from our past should make us stronger and better poised to handle the future. If we, however, let our past successes and failures influence our future, we might become stagnant and stop growing.

Only by learning AND moving on, can we ensure that our friendship with experiences past remains intact and does not become a painful baggage that we carry with us.

Like the great Rudyard Kipling so wonderfully said

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

....

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Lessons for a father - The Most Underrated Part Of Parenthood

Parenthood is, and should be, the hardest thing that we ever commit ourselves to. So many things depend on us doing the right thing. That also is, sometimes, the tougher road to take. 

With the immense amount of work and care needed to raise a child, why would we choose something that is, from the very beginning, tough?

May be because we have lost our marbles? Or because we like putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations? 

Actually, we are all just trying to do the right thing, hard or not.

And, to try and do that all the time, we all require our health to be as close to perfect as possible.

The problem is this: we get so involved in sleeping and waking up (or not sleeping at all) and cooking and cleaning and playing and making the house child safe and driving and parenting that we do not take care of ourselves as much as we should.

Like the air stewardess says on the flight: If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.

Secure your mask first. Take care of yourself first. 

In other words, make yourself fit enough to help others before putting yourself in that position. We do that in the flight because it is the law. We seem to, as parents, not be doing such a great job at keeping ourselves in top shape in our daily lives.

I cannot say what it would take to make you healthier. For me it is usually a combination of good food in moderation, exercising and surrounding myself with happiness received from good books and great friends and family.

Everyday I commit myself to the following list:

• Exercising
• Reading a good book
• Interacting with positive people
• Constantly learning, absorbing and evolving
• Thinking of and thanking God for what I have and what I can offer.

With the holidays upon us, we will have multiple opportunities to indulge in abundance. Let us pause and make sure our decisions of today do not reflect badly in our tomorrow.

Image: Flickr(Fruit and Vegies)

Lessons for a father - Equal and Opposite

Many years ago Isaac Newton came up with his laws of motion. The laws still stand after all these years.

Out of the 3 laws of motion, the 3rd states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

That might be true for propelling a rocket or while applauding for example, but the question is this: Would the law stand for human behavior as well?

Let me ask the question in a different way: If you were to trust someone do you think the person is going to trust you back? How about issues with love, freedom and empowerment? All important things but reciprocity in the same form might be missing. 

How about truth? Would being truthful guarantee that you get truth in return?

I think the answer is a no!

Alas, it looks like Sir Newton's great third law of motion does not hold true with us humans.

The intention of any relationship, familial or professional is usually associated with forward motion. We are constantly working for our relationships to get better. How can we be better professionals? How can we be better husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters or friends? 

The "reaction" might not be there, but I think that we should not stop doing the right thing.

Leadership, parenthood and almost any successful relationship can be a wonderful experience if we become givers.

Over a period of time, with us setting the right example by being truthful, sharing, leading and spreading joy, who knows Sir Isaac Newton's wondrous 3rd law of motion might gain ground in getting us the right reactions as well.

Image: Wikipedia

Lessons for a father - There is an app for that?

This last week was probably the biggest week in my life as a Cricket fan. That one person that represented Indian Cricket, and was the epitome of everything that is still gentlemanly about the game decided to hang his boots and bid adieu to the game and millions of fans.

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar was not dubbed the "God Of Cricket" for his Cricket prowess alone though. It was the man himself with his fearlessness in the face of adversity, his composure and calm and his mentoring of the future cricketers. Overall he has been a true leader, a great cricketer and a gentleman.

What did it take for a small kid from a middle class family in India to become the biggest name of the cricketing world? According to the great man, it took a lot of practice, hard work and faith in his abilities.

That forced me to think. If we practice our art, work hard and believe in ourselves, can't we become great in our own fields? Anything that we are involved in, be it sports, finance, manufacturing or consulting, the goal should always be to become the "Tendulkar" of that field - the best that ever was and will be.

Greatness cannot be an easy thing to achieve. People that get there, toil hard for years without complaining. They work, usually, with similar impediments to their progress like the rest of us. The only difference is that they do not look for short-cuts and never lie to themselves.

Fatherhood for me is an opportunity to get better as a person. That too, like anything else, requires work, patience and conviction.

Leadership is something else that cannot be learned overnight. It is an art-form that gets better with practice. It needs trust and truth at its core. Without the core being correct, it can become like a house with a bad foundation. It might still work, but things are shaky at best.

Unfortunately, greatness and leadership can only be achieved with a lot of hard work and practice. Unlike almost everything else these days, there is no app for that.

Photo: Flickr(sourmash)

Lessons for a father - I suck at Golf but can learn a lot from it

I have always thought of Golf to be easy. How difficult can hitting a ball with a club be after all?

As I were to find out this week, quite difficult actually.

My version of playing Golf was pretty simple before this week. It included:

• Hold club in hand (preferably a driver because the bigger head should make it even easier to hit)
• Stand next to the ball, which at this time should be on a little peg (or a Golf tee)
• Swing the club and hit the ball with all your might.

Easy peasy lemon squeasy, right? Apparently not.

A good friend of mine taught me the basics this week. The fine game of Golf, just like any other sport that deserves to be taken seriously, needs a few other inclusions.

So my 3 step process to hitting a Golf ball got a little more detailed. It now includes:

• Hold club in hand the proper way (something about the thumbs facing downwards) and focus
• Stand next to the ball, with the ball right below the eyes, bend the knees a bit, balance and focus
• Swing with proper form and concentrate on making good contact with the ball rather than hitting it long, and always keep your eyes on the ball.

All that focus, concentration and mindfulness took a lot of work this week. It is not as easy as it seems.

The realization is going to help me a lot; both at home and at work. The idea of getting better, no matter what we do is rooted in:

• Being focused in what we are doing
• Concentrating on the goal 
• Intentionally minimizing distractions and,
• Not expecting things to happen easily

Looks to me like leadership resembles hitting a golf ball. If we are all about hitting the proverbial ball as hard and as far as possible, we might lose out on the form and focus that would help us get better. We might even get lucky and taste occasional success (even with my terrible form, I did hit the ball sometimes), but if we are in for the long haul, we have to continuously work on and correct the basics.

Turning adversity into success requires a lot of intent, hard work, positive attitude and an unwavering belief in self.

My feeling is if we concentrate on fixing the obvious things, treating our team well, speaking the truth and working with goodness in our hearts while ignoring all temptations of taking the short-cuts, we will end up being champions.

Lessons for a father - Are you a Hindu?

Are you a Hindu? Truth be told, I have always hated that question. Not because I dislike the religion that I belong to, but because of the usual set of assumptions that accompany the question.

"I have heard that all Hindus are vegetarians" - No. "I have heard that you guys have a lot of Gods" - Yes.

Does it really matter what God I pray to? How is it important if there is religion in my life at all? What significance does it hold apart from boxing ourselves in a particular category with a few million others?

Like everyone else, I get hurt, feel pain, have opinions - both wrong and right, have a list of things that I like and another list of things that disgust me. I fall sick, get better, have a few pounds to lose and can eat, sleep, think and speak better. There is a whole host of things that make us similar, but we are so concerned about what is different that we let these commonalities - these opportunities of engagement and possible relationships - go.

Am I a Hindu?: I am not really sure how to answer that question. I am a bit pre-occupied with working on being a human at the moment.

Our son does not care what the religion of the person is that he is playing with. As long as what the person is holding out for him makes any sound and preferably flashes, our son is fine with it. There is a very important lesson and inspiration in that for all of us.

Instead of looking at ourselves as Hindus, Muslims, Christians, browns, blacks, whites, left-wing, right-wing or centrist, or any "category" for that matter, how about choosing to look at the human being in all of us? How about looking for good in someone with no bias towards the extras? 

I am sure it is possible. It will just require a little more work, trust and faith.

The same can be said about our work place. All true leaders have the power to look beyond the surface. For them, there is no color, no creed and no gender. The question is very simple: Can the person handle the responsibility and perform, successfully, the task at hand? If the answer is in the affirmative, nothing else should matter.

If a person is stupid, incompetent, lazy or ignorant, I am sure it is the person to blame. Just like their greatness is theirs and cannot be attributed to them being a part of any group. Their color, country, religion, gender or political inclination has nothing, and cannot have anything, to do with it. 

Image: Flickr(gustavoluz)

Lessons for a father - Intentional Mindfulness

Do you know all the possible routes to your home from work? Yes? When you leave work, do you decide which route to take, or do you automatically choose the path that you take regularly?

Do you know what burger you like the most? Yes?  Have you ever paused and considered what difference a different bun might make?

If you answered with a "Yes" for the questions above, congratulations. You are self-aware, a rarity in these times.

If you answered with a "No", however, looks like, just like me, you are going through the motions and not paying attention.

“Do every act of your life as though it were the very last act of your life.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 

That seems to happen to a lot of us. We drink our favorite beverage or eat our most-liked food; we indulge in our favorite sport or simply talk to people. We DO a lot of things. What we do NOT DO is be present in the moment. We do not exhibit mindfulness.

I have been following some great leaders of our time, and some from the past. They have different ways to go about doing things, but there is one thing in common that all the greats - Marcus Aurelius, Albert Einstein, John Keats, Mother Teresa (among other many greats) of the past and the thought leaders of the present - Michael Hyatt, Seth Godin, Deepak Chopra (among others), talk about. The idea of intentional mindfulness.

What is it then - this mindfulness?

Quite easy to talk about, it is probably the hardest thing to practice. It requires us to be "present" at every moment. It asks us to take a second and be a witness to what we are doing. It needs an acceptance and acknowledgement of our feelings, thoughts, and sensations.

“Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” ― Mother Teresa

In the craziness that the world has become today, mindfulness is probably one of the most important characteristics that we can bring to the proverbial table. It does not matter whether, at a moment, we are parents, professionals, sons, daughters, spouses or anything else that we might be. What matters is every thought and every action becomes deliberate. What should matter is whether we are really mindful in our communication with others, mindful of our gait while taking a walk or our form when lifting weights in the gym, or even while driving to work, at work and while we are spending our holidays. 

“Life is a preparation for the future; and the best preparation for the future is to live as if there were none.” ― Albert Einstein

My toddler son seems to be practicing it

The idea of this post came to me from my son. I gave him an option to choose between a football and this other toy of his yesterday. Now, it just so happens, that this toy of his is one of his favorite. I was in for a surprise though. He did not choose the toy but chose the football instead. And then he surprised me further by rolling the ball to me and expecting me to roll it back. This continued for a few minutes. Enough time to make me realize that he made a mindful decision at that moment. His intention was not just to play, but to play with me.

As a parent

While we practice parenthood, the idea of intentional mindfulness takes on even more importance. All of us would want our children to be good human beings. For them to be good, their first teachers, us, have to be good. A question then should creep into our head before any action: Is what I am about to do, in reaction to the situation that I am in, what I would want my son/ daughter to do?

Practicing it could be very tiring, exhausting even. But I have a feeling that having a control on what we say, do and feel can result in something that the world seems to be missing these days - an equilibrium.

Image: Flickr (neon194)

Lessons for a father - The fight to be 1%

Premise

28000000000000.

That is 28 billion. That, in dollars, is about the amount donated by Bill Gates till January 2013. That also depicts an amount that is more than the GDP of about a 100 countries in the world per a list by the World Bank.

The question is not whether or not Bill Gates' picture should show up under the word "altruism" in the dictionary, but how he got to the point where he could give away so much and still have enough.

Sarcasm creeps in

He must have cheated. He must have found a way to take from people that deserved the money more than him. I am almost certain that there was exploitation involved and ruthlessness against his fellow beings and a lot of corruption.

Why do I believe that? Well, simply because hard work, good decision making, great timing and an inclination towards innovation never made anyone successful. 

So, of course, Bill Gates cheated. So did Warren Buffet and Mark Zuckerberg.

These people also, by the most accepted definition, make a part of the, now hated, "1%". A class of people that have cheated (obviously, no?) their way to financial success globally with another broad stroke of the "99%" brush also marking them undeserving of their success. 

I defeat sarcasm and get serious

On the other hand, I am deep into 99%. But, my definition of "99%" and "1%" is something else. Jokes apart, Messrs Gates, Buffet and Zuckerberg do make it to my version of the 1% and quite deservedly so and with all due respect.

So, what is my version of the 99% and 1%, and how is it different from the one that gets us very emotional reactions the world over these days?

It goes thus. 

All of us are born with capabilities. Some to do well in the sciences, others in sports, some in journalism, some in book writing and so on and so forth. There are some among us that are good in a variety of disciplines (all power to them!!). 99% of us meet or fall below the imaginary line of expectation that gets bestowed on us given our capabilities. 1% of us (roughly speaking and mostly for argument sake) exceed those expectations.

What differentiates us then, from them?

Hunger.

Think about it. Do we think that Gates or Buffet or Zuckeberg or others like them, the world over, NEED to work. Well, maybe. But, not for money so they can buy a new laptop let's say. They have enough money so their children and their children's children do not have to work. Why do they keep working then?

Simply, because they want more. They want a better world perhaps, or to eradicate a disease (Malaria in Bill Gates' case) or to correct one thing about the crumbling third world (creation of a toilet that is self cleaning and requires less water, perhaps!?). 

I don't know what their deal is, but they seem to be still very hungry for success. They, and others like them, form my 1%. 

Lesson for me?

I am a new father who is trying to raise a child in a world that cherishes mediocrity. While everyone wishes to "fly under the radar" and put in their "8 to 5" and go home, there are those that rise and do more. They open businesses, help people in need, work with countries to do course correction and give, close to half their MOST DESERVEDLY earned wealth, to charity.

I want my son idolizing Superman and Spider-Man and Batman and Wonder Woman and all that they do. I want him to look at the good they bring to this world (not Batman, he just brings cool gadgets and a helluva detective prowess). But I also want him to aspire to become a part of, just like me, the 1%. Wealth is not important. Giving, and being more and doing more and exceeding expectations definitely is.

Image: Flickr (sathish_urs)

Lessons for a father - What's your pink elephant?

Do you think pink elephants exist?

To answer the question, whether with a yes or a no, we all would, for a fleeting second, believe in the existence of pink elephants; actually see a pink elephant using our imagination. That belief has to exist to give us an opportunity to believe in what is true - there are no pink elephants.

Now, what if the question was this: Do you think grey elephants exist?

I am pretty sure that the answer would be, without almost any intentional thought, a yes. Of course there are grey elephants. You might even tell me where to find one, i.e., the city zoo, Kenya, Tanzania, Botswana or India.

Let us try and make the questions a little more taxing to our thinking ability.

Do you think you can be successful in your current pursuit?

Difficult question, right? For any of us to be able to answer the question, we have to imagine what being successful really looks like. After we put some intentional thought into it and use our imagination to see ourselves in that state, the question transforms into this: Do we think we can get "there"?

All the effort that we put in to become good parents, and all the effort to get better in our professional lives is based on our unwavering trust in our own abilities and the belief that we could do and be better. The goal of providing our son with the best parenting possible and our respective organizations with excellence, on a daily basis, forms a part of our "pink elephant" - the idea of believing in something that might not currently exist.

If we did not believe in our own version of the "pink elephant" - that we could, for example, eat better, exercise more, learn something new regularly, or that a tree could grow from a small seed or that breast cancer could be eliminated, the pursuit of our goal can become very difficult indeed.

So here's me believing in our son's long life, in happiness, in the cure for cancer in the not-so-distant future and in being able to work on something that can make this world better.

What is your pink elephant?

Image: Flickr (Vigilantetim)

Lessons for a father - The Pursuit Of Happiness

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. - Excerpt from the United States Declaration of Independence.

That's what they said. That we all were equal and along with "Life" and "Liberty", all [humans] also had an unalienable right to pursue happiness. 

It is our God-given right and nothing and nobody can stop us from trying to be happy.

It is, without any doubt, a very powerful statement. It also is, quite frequently, a very confusing one. 

I am allowed to pursue happiness. Great! What, however, is happiness? 

Is it the feeling I get when my son wakes me up every morning with a smile? Or, is it what I feel when I achieve an honor at work? Maybe, it is the finishing of a marathon that is happiness?

Is it what Gandhi was striving for when he fought, non-violently, for his people's rights? May be, Martin Luther King wanted happiness when he had a dream of a time when all races would be considered equal.

As a very strong and little girl proved to the world, happiness, often, is not defined by something big and life changing. It can be achieved with something as simple as being heard.

Her name is Anneya and at the grand old age of 12, she chose, at school, to step up to face ethical and moral adversity and advocate equality.

Not only did she stand up against the unfair treatment, she also made sure that other students were not exposed to the unpleasant situation.

12. That is how old she is. That was the age when I would think of little else but going out with friends, completely unknown to the idea of "Otherness". 

It is the same age when Albert Einstein taught himself Euclidean geometry and Ludwig van Beethoven became an assistant organist. What does a 12 year old Einstein and Beethoven have in common with a little school going girl? 

They, as kids, were happy to do what they were doing without any expectation of greatness or success. They did what they did to be happy!

While Einstein and Beethoven found pleasure, and greatness, in science and music respectively, Anneya, pursues happiness by finding no difference between herself and other students at school in matters of the color of their skin.

Yes, the world needs a Lincoln more than ever. Gandhi and Martin Luther King would, possibly, be able to solve a lot of our issues, but if the future of our tumultuous present lies in the hands of these 12 year olds, I am pretty sure that the commercial playing on TV is correct - we, indeed, are in good hands! 

Image: Abraham Lincoln (Wikipedia)

Lessons for a father - I failed. Now what?

It might not be too far from the truth if I suggested that we fail on a daily basis. Whether it is some things that we did not get to, or opportunities where we could have done more or an error in how we handled a relationship or part of our job or falling short of expectations that we have of ourselves. 

So, failure, by itself, is nothing rare. What can make the experience rare is how we respond to failure.

This was a hard week on many fronts. Our son was on the receiving end of a stomach bug [place reserved for some choice words aimed at the bug]. The aftereffects of that bug were felt everywhere from our home, to his day-care and right up to the grandparents' homes half way around the world.

Another not-so-happy experience came this week at my place of work. The usual high expectations that my team works with and the great results that follow were overshadowed, briefly, by an anomaly - a failure.

In such times of adversity, apart from the usual reaction of trying to control the fire and the possible fall-out, another thing takes on a lot of importance, i.e., the idea of holding our head high and having another go at being successful.

I read a story this week titled "The Re-Education of Jim Collins". The timing could not have been better. 

Jim Collins, the author of Good to Great, went to West Point to teach leadership and apparently got schooled himself in the process.

The author, Bo Burlingham, has written an outstanding piece on Jim's experience while he was there. It all came down to something Tommy Cadwell, viewed as one of the greatest rock climbers of all time, tells the famous author:  "[Failure] is making me stronger. I am not failing; I am growing."

Every cadet on the campus of the United States Military Academy kept failing on a regular basis, not intentionally of course, but ended up learning something each time. They did not fail. They realized that they had to get better to succeed.

It is these lessons in handling adversity that make true leaders.

Yes, IT issues and stomach bugs do not stand in the same league as those soldiers that sacrifice a lot to defend our freedom; I agree. What is also true, however, is that the core of handling a challenge, no matter how small or big and daunting, remains the same.

Whether we find inspiration from a 14th century King of Scotland in "try, try and try again...and you will succeed" or from the normal comings and goings of our lives, one fact remains consistent. If we really want to be successful, we have to adapt to the very brutal fact that our best laid plans might end in failure. However, as long as we have the strength and commitment to pick up the pieces and keep on going, we are going to do just fine.


Bo Bulinghamo's full article on Jim Collins' West Point visit. 

Image Credit: Flickr (trustypics)

Lessons for a father - Fighting ordinariness

Let me confess something off the bat - there are some elements of my life that I would love for to be ordinary. 

My drive to work everyday, for example. I would love for it to be a very normal thing - no exciting twists and turns and slides nor the 2 hour traffic jams. I would prefer that Manchester United always wins when playing Football and India is always successful in a Cricket match.

On the other hand, I cannot, but be amazed at the number of extraordinary events that take place around us on a daily basis.

Take for example, the case of the new Miss America for the year 2014. I usually have no interest in beauty pageants. I will keep my reasons, for not having any interest in events like these, to myself. 

The popularity of the event had less to do with the event itself, but more with the person that won. The parents of the girl that won are of Indian origin. She, on the other hand, undeniably, is as American as it gets.

It is also neither new nor important (it might be; I am just not sure if I should give it more relevance than it deserves) that she faced racism after winning the "crown" on social networking websites. 

What is extraordinary, however, is how well she controlled the situation. She celebrates her "Otherness" with aplomb and proved to the world, by her actions, that the view held by a small group of ignorant individuals cannot, and must not, represent the beliefs of a nation.

My post on celebrating "Otherness" appears here. 

This was a Miss [any country] contest. Stereotypically, you look good, answer a few questions and talk about world peace. This wasn't supposed to teach people how to handle racism and negativity. It did. Well done, Ms. Nina Davuluri.

On the other side of the "pond", José Mourinho, the self proclaimed "Special One", is fighting Chelsea's apparent ordinariness after the first outing of the season. I am sure that this will soon become a non-issue and Chelsea will turn around their fortune quickly enough. Why? That is because both Mr. Mourinho and Chelsea Football Club are extraordinary.

Just like Nina and José, there are extraordinary people that we might meet everyday. People with accomplishments and stories and an odds-defying attitude. 

What is so different about these people? Here is what I think: 

• There is a very deep rooted hunger to be successful in what they do.
• They work really hard to attain their goals. Very hard.
• They surround themselves, usually, with people that will help them get better - almost daily.
• They listen well.
• They take action, again usually, after giving what they are about to do a lot of thought.
• They do not get distracted by things and events that are out of their control.
• They can adapt to changing conditions.
• Neither their time, nor their thoughts nor their actions are ever wasteful.

I do not know what our son will become once he grows up. Honestly, I don't even know what I will be doing some years from now. I really don't think anyone really knows. 

We all continuously work towards marking off some things from our life's to-do list. What I truly hope for, both for my son's and my sake, is we take an inspiration from extraordinary beings and fight a raging battle against ordinariness and never ever give in to being normal.

Lessons for a father - Everybody is a consultant

According to Wikipedia the definition of a consultant is: [A consultant is] usually an expert or a professional in a specific field and has a wide knowledge of the subject matter.

By that definition, my doctor, my plumber, my electrician, the guy at the Home Depot store that helps me all the time, my boss, my priest, my physical trainer, my wife and the guy, at work, that tells me that Denver Broncos are going to win Super Bowl this year, are all consultants.

I have another consultant in my life. Our son, the 10 month old, holds an expertise in being a 10 month old and does possess a wide knowledge in the field of being one.

So, how is it that I have so many consultants around me? Well, we all do. Think about it.

Anyone that we seek advice from, giving them the status of being an expert, becomes, by definition, a consultant for us.

Examples:

• Doctor: Health and/ or Wellness Consultant
• Plumber: House Plumbing Consultant
• Home Depot Store Person: Tools and Parts Consultant
• Physical Trainer: Fitness Consultant
• Wife: How-to-be-a-better-person-overall Consultant
• Priest: Faith/ Religion Consultant
• Guy-at-work: Football-team-to-follow Consultant

Consulting, globally, has taken the form of one of the most sought after professions in the world. The Harvard Business Review printed an article that suggested that a large number of its graduates want to get into consulting.
 

By the time they finish college, many top U.S. students answer, “A consultant.” At Harvard, according to its student newspaper, the Crimson, 16% of those in the undergraduate class of 2013 who had accepted job offers by graduation were bound for the consulting industry—putting it ahead of finance (15%) and technology (13%) as the most popular career choice. If you work for a consultancy’s client, you may soon see some fresh faces camping out in a conference room just down the hall. - Harvard Business Review

A variance is getting advice even when we don't ask for it. The driving thought behind this unsolicited advice: Quite simple. The expertise is still there, why not share it without being asked?

The thing with expertise is without results to support it, all of it is very theoretical. The only way that any consultant can really earn their pay or respect is if they have proved their expertise. Any advice, once followed, bearing positive results leads to the consultant's proverbial stocks going up. Trust will be earned only if true and tangible value-add is proven.

Let's just say that unlike the way I listen to my son, and the Home Depot guy, my wife and my trainer, I will only give credence to the guy at work if the Denver Broncos do win the Super Bowl this year!

Do you use consultants in your daily lives? What help do you usually seek from the experts?

Image: Flickr (ExitBusiness)

Lessons for a father - When Do You Go To Work?

My father has been my greatest teacher. I have always maintained that if I am able to become half a parent he has been to me, I will be a successful father. He has been a leader that I have followed, quite literally, ever since I took my first step. Of all the things that I have picked up over the years, a sense of being selfless tops the list. I might argue, if given a fair hearing, that being a doctor that comes naturally to him. I will not be far from the truth if I confessed that I have always found selflessness a very hard trait to possess.

It is on this premise that my father and I had a chat about my work. He asked me, very simply, about the time I went to work. Given the demands and the randomness associated with a toddler, I offered a time span in the morning. His response, to the same question, baffled me. He retired a few years ago from his first job. So when I asked him about the time he spends at the new job (he teaches now too!), he said he never went to work. Actually, the words, and I do hope I remember them correctly, were: "I have never went to work in my entire life. I have, however, always performed my duty and there is no start or end time for that".

As much as I love my job (I really do!), I have never looked at it as anything else. My father, on the other hand, in decades of being a professional doctor, never viewed his job as just that. He has always had a duty towards his family, his patients, his country and, most importantly, to himself. This sense of owing it to himself to get better every day in his art, to do more and to give more has carried him to becoming one of the best. Ask him, however, and he will say "there is still much to learn and do".

Yes, I am a father now. The toddler that is trying to walk looks up to me and I am responsible for his well being and growth. It is time, however, to truly understand the meaning of what my father has demonstrated all his life and Mr. Rudyard Kipling so eloquently wrote:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Image Credit: Flickr (nandalai)