Lessons for a father - I failed. Now what?

It might not be too far from the truth if I suggested that we fail on a daily basis. Whether it is some things that we did not get to, or opportunities where we could have done more or an error in how we handled a relationship or part of our job or falling short of expectations that we have of ourselves. 

So, failure, by itself, is nothing rare. What can make the experience rare is how we respond to failure.

This was a hard week on many fronts. Our son was on the receiving end of a stomach bug [place reserved for some choice words aimed at the bug]. The aftereffects of that bug were felt everywhere from our home, to his day-care and right up to the grandparents' homes half way around the world.

Another not-so-happy experience came this week at my place of work. The usual high expectations that my team works with and the great results that follow were overshadowed, briefly, by an anomaly - a failure.

In such times of adversity, apart from the usual reaction of trying to control the fire and the possible fall-out, another thing takes on a lot of importance, i.e., the idea of holding our head high and having another go at being successful.

I read a story this week titled "The Re-Education of Jim Collins". The timing could not have been better. 

Jim Collins, the author of Good to Great, went to West Point to teach leadership and apparently got schooled himself in the process.

The author, Bo Burlingham, has written an outstanding piece on Jim's experience while he was there. It all came down to something Tommy Cadwell, viewed as one of the greatest rock climbers of all time, tells the famous author:  "[Failure] is making me stronger. I am not failing; I am growing."

Every cadet on the campus of the United States Military Academy kept failing on a regular basis, not intentionally of course, but ended up learning something each time. They did not fail. They realized that they had to get better to succeed.

It is these lessons in handling adversity that make true leaders.

Yes, IT issues and stomach bugs do not stand in the same league as those soldiers that sacrifice a lot to defend our freedom; I agree. What is also true, however, is that the core of handling a challenge, no matter how small or big and daunting, remains the same.

Whether we find inspiration from a 14th century King of Scotland in "try, try and try again...and you will succeed" or from the normal comings and goings of our lives, one fact remains consistent. If we really want to be successful, we have to adapt to the very brutal fact that our best laid plans might end in failure. However, as long as we have the strength and commitment to pick up the pieces and keep on going, we are going to do just fine.


Bo Bulinghamo's full article on Jim Collins' West Point visit. 

Image Credit: Flickr (trustypics)

Lessons for a father - Fighting ordinariness

Let me confess something off the bat - there are some elements of my life that I would love for to be ordinary. 

My drive to work everyday, for example. I would love for it to be a very normal thing - no exciting twists and turns and slides nor the 2 hour traffic jams. I would prefer that Manchester United always wins when playing Football and India is always successful in a Cricket match.

On the other hand, I cannot, but be amazed at the number of extraordinary events that take place around us on a daily basis.

Take for example, the case of the new Miss America for the year 2014. I usually have no interest in beauty pageants. I will keep my reasons, for not having any interest in events like these, to myself. 

The popularity of the event had less to do with the event itself, but more with the person that won. The parents of the girl that won are of Indian origin. She, on the other hand, undeniably, is as American as it gets.

It is also neither new nor important (it might be; I am just not sure if I should give it more relevance than it deserves) that she faced racism after winning the "crown" on social networking websites. 

What is extraordinary, however, is how well she controlled the situation. She celebrates her "Otherness" with aplomb and proved to the world, by her actions, that the view held by a small group of ignorant individuals cannot, and must not, represent the beliefs of a nation.

My post on celebrating "Otherness" appears here. 

This was a Miss [any country] contest. Stereotypically, you look good, answer a few questions and talk about world peace. This wasn't supposed to teach people how to handle racism and negativity. It did. Well done, Ms. Nina Davuluri.

On the other side of the "pond", José Mourinho, the self proclaimed "Special One", is fighting Chelsea's apparent ordinariness after the first outing of the season. I am sure that this will soon become a non-issue and Chelsea will turn around their fortune quickly enough. Why? That is because both Mr. Mourinho and Chelsea Football Club are extraordinary.

Just like Nina and José, there are extraordinary people that we might meet everyday. People with accomplishments and stories and an odds-defying attitude. 

What is so different about these people? Here is what I think: 

• There is a very deep rooted hunger to be successful in what they do.
• They work really hard to attain their goals. Very hard.
• They surround themselves, usually, with people that will help them get better - almost daily.
• They listen well.
• They take action, again usually, after giving what they are about to do a lot of thought.
• They do not get distracted by things and events that are out of their control.
• They can adapt to changing conditions.
• Neither their time, nor their thoughts nor their actions are ever wasteful.

I do not know what our son will become once he grows up. Honestly, I don't even know what I will be doing some years from now. I really don't think anyone really knows. 

We all continuously work towards marking off some things from our life's to-do list. What I truly hope for, both for my son's and my sake, is we take an inspiration from extraordinary beings and fight a raging battle against ordinariness and never ever give in to being normal.

Lessons for a father - Everybody is a consultant

According to Wikipedia the definition of a consultant is: [A consultant is] usually an expert or a professional in a specific field and has a wide knowledge of the subject matter.

By that definition, my doctor, my plumber, my electrician, the guy at the Home Depot store that helps me all the time, my boss, my priest, my physical trainer, my wife and the guy, at work, that tells me that Denver Broncos are going to win Super Bowl this year, are all consultants.

I have another consultant in my life. Our son, the 10 month old, holds an expertise in being a 10 month old and does possess a wide knowledge in the field of being one.

So, how is it that I have so many consultants around me? Well, we all do. Think about it.

Anyone that we seek advice from, giving them the status of being an expert, becomes, by definition, a consultant for us.

Examples:

• Doctor: Health and/ or Wellness Consultant
• Plumber: House Plumbing Consultant
• Home Depot Store Person: Tools and Parts Consultant
• Physical Trainer: Fitness Consultant
• Wife: How-to-be-a-better-person-overall Consultant
• Priest: Faith/ Religion Consultant
• Guy-at-work: Football-team-to-follow Consultant

Consulting, globally, has taken the form of one of the most sought after professions in the world. The Harvard Business Review printed an article that suggested that a large number of its graduates want to get into consulting.
 

By the time they finish college, many top U.S. students answer, “A consultant.” At Harvard, according to its student newspaper, the Crimson, 16% of those in the undergraduate class of 2013 who had accepted job offers by graduation were bound for the consulting industry—putting it ahead of finance (15%) and technology (13%) as the most popular career choice. If you work for a consultancy’s client, you may soon see some fresh faces camping out in a conference room just down the hall. - Harvard Business Review

A variance is getting advice even when we don't ask for it. The driving thought behind this unsolicited advice: Quite simple. The expertise is still there, why not share it without being asked?

The thing with expertise is without results to support it, all of it is very theoretical. The only way that any consultant can really earn their pay or respect is if they have proved their expertise. Any advice, once followed, bearing positive results leads to the consultant's proverbial stocks going up. Trust will be earned only if true and tangible value-add is proven.

Let's just say that unlike the way I listen to my son, and the Home Depot guy, my wife and my trainer, I will only give credence to the guy at work if the Denver Broncos do win the Super Bowl this year!

Do you use consultants in your daily lives? What help do you usually seek from the experts?

Image: Flickr (ExitBusiness)

Lessons for a father - When Do You Go To Work?

My father has been my greatest teacher. I have always maintained that if I am able to become half a parent he has been to me, I will be a successful father. He has been a leader that I have followed, quite literally, ever since I took my first step. Of all the things that I have picked up over the years, a sense of being selfless tops the list. I might argue, if given a fair hearing, that being a doctor that comes naturally to him. I will not be far from the truth if I confessed that I have always found selflessness a very hard trait to possess.

It is on this premise that my father and I had a chat about my work. He asked me, very simply, about the time I went to work. Given the demands and the randomness associated with a toddler, I offered a time span in the morning. His response, to the same question, baffled me. He retired a few years ago from his first job. So when I asked him about the time he spends at the new job (he teaches now too!), he said he never went to work. Actually, the words, and I do hope I remember them correctly, were: "I have never went to work in my entire life. I have, however, always performed my duty and there is no start or end time for that".

As much as I love my job (I really do!), I have never looked at it as anything else. My father, on the other hand, in decades of being a professional doctor, never viewed his job as just that. He has always had a duty towards his family, his patients, his country and, most importantly, to himself. This sense of owing it to himself to get better every day in his art, to do more and to give more has carried him to becoming one of the best. Ask him, however, and he will say "there is still much to learn and do".

Yes, I am a father now. The toddler that is trying to walk looks up to me and I am responsible for his well being and growth. It is time, however, to truly understand the meaning of what my father has demonstrated all his life and Mr. Rudyard Kipling so eloquently wrote:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Image Credit: Flickr (nandalai)

Lessons for a father - The Abundance Mentality

I was fortunate to witness a couple of very amazing things last week. Both left a mark and made me feel lucky and blessed. While a master left a lasting impression, our son made sure that I really understood the concept, by giving me an example. What was it then? A tutorial on how to handle abundance.

I have been listening to some podcasts lately. One that I am a huge fan of, is a podcast by Michael Hyatt. He blogs about intentional leadership and, this week, he talked about the existence of two schools of thought - one frequented by abundance thinkers and and the other made up of scarcity thinkers. The idea of "abundance thinking" is close to my heart because I have always believed that true leadership contributes to building the next wave of leaders. According to, what turned out to be a very inspiring few minutes, abundance thinkers, among other things:

• are open to sharing
• exceed expectations in giving
• are optimistic
• think big

Scarcity thinkers, according to Michal Hyatt, are usually pessimistic and not open to sharing or competing with others. In turn, because of positive human behavior, abundance thinking has a greater chance to make a person truly happy. Quite simple really, don't you think? 

My mantra: Do Good. Be Good. Good will happen to you.

Our son, a toddler now, took it upon himself, intentionally of course, and made sure that I understood and appreciated the simplicity of the idea. While playing with other kids of his age, he was open to sharing his toys. The teachers also showered praises because, apparently, the little master pacifies other kids (we are still talking about toddlers) when they are upset sometimes. I am pretty sure that it was just a coincidence, but the timing of it all could not have been better. To top it all off, our son actually feels happy when he shares his things or helps other kids in need. Part of me swells with pride, because of our son's behavior. The other part cannot help but question societal and professional pressure that takes all this goodness away from us and hides it somewhere.

To share, to help and to encourage are not hard concepts to grasp. These powerful human traits are present in all of us. We just seem to forget, and forgo, our blessings sometimes. We get so entangled in our definition of success that we ignore the most basic reason of our existence - to be good human beings.

My son seems to get it. I hope to do more.

What is your mantra? How do you handle abundance?

Michael Hyatt's website: http://michaelhyatt.com/
Photo: Flickr (hippie)