Lessons for a father - Intentional Mindfulness

Do you know all the possible routes to your home from work? Yes? When you leave work, do you decide which route to take, or do you automatically choose the path that you take regularly?

Do you know what burger you like the most? Yes?  Have you ever paused and considered what difference a different bun might make?

If you answered with a "Yes" for the questions above, congratulations. You are self-aware, a rarity in these times.

If you answered with a "No", however, looks like, just like me, you are going through the motions and not paying attention.

“Do every act of your life as though it were the very last act of your life.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 

That seems to happen to a lot of us. We drink our favorite beverage or eat our most-liked food; we indulge in our favorite sport or simply talk to people. We DO a lot of things. What we do NOT DO is be present in the moment. We do not exhibit mindfulness.

I have been following some great leaders of our time, and some from the past. They have different ways to go about doing things, but there is one thing in common that all the greats - Marcus Aurelius, Albert Einstein, John Keats, Mother Teresa (among other many greats) of the past and the thought leaders of the present - Michael Hyatt, Seth Godin, Deepak Chopra (among others), talk about. The idea of intentional mindfulness.

What is it then - this mindfulness?

Quite easy to talk about, it is probably the hardest thing to practice. It requires us to be "present" at every moment. It asks us to take a second and be a witness to what we are doing. It needs an acceptance and acknowledgement of our feelings, thoughts, and sensations.

“Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” ― Mother Teresa

In the craziness that the world has become today, mindfulness is probably one of the most important characteristics that we can bring to the proverbial table. It does not matter whether, at a moment, we are parents, professionals, sons, daughters, spouses or anything else that we might be. What matters is every thought and every action becomes deliberate. What should matter is whether we are really mindful in our communication with others, mindful of our gait while taking a walk or our form when lifting weights in the gym, or even while driving to work, at work and while we are spending our holidays. 

“Life is a preparation for the future; and the best preparation for the future is to live as if there were none.” ― Albert Einstein

My toddler son seems to be practicing it

The idea of this post came to me from my son. I gave him an option to choose between a football and this other toy of his yesterday. Now, it just so happens, that this toy of his is one of his favorite. I was in for a surprise though. He did not choose the toy but chose the football instead. And then he surprised me further by rolling the ball to me and expecting me to roll it back. This continued for a few minutes. Enough time to make me realize that he made a mindful decision at that moment. His intention was not just to play, but to play with me.

As a parent

While we practice parenthood, the idea of intentional mindfulness takes on even more importance. All of us would want our children to be good human beings. For them to be good, their first teachers, us, have to be good. A question then should creep into our head before any action: Is what I am about to do, in reaction to the situation that I am in, what I would want my son/ daughter to do?

Practicing it could be very tiring, exhausting even. But I have a feeling that having a control on what we say, do and feel can result in something that the world seems to be missing these days - an equilibrium.

Image: Flickr (neon194)

Lessons for a father - The fight to be 1%

Premise

28000000000000.

That is 28 billion. That, in dollars, is about the amount donated by Bill Gates till January 2013. That also depicts an amount that is more than the GDP of about a 100 countries in the world per a list by the World Bank.

The question is not whether or not Bill Gates' picture should show up under the word "altruism" in the dictionary, but how he got to the point where he could give away so much and still have enough.

Sarcasm creeps in

He must have cheated. He must have found a way to take from people that deserved the money more than him. I am almost certain that there was exploitation involved and ruthlessness against his fellow beings and a lot of corruption.

Why do I believe that? Well, simply because hard work, good decision making, great timing and an inclination towards innovation never made anyone successful. 

So, of course, Bill Gates cheated. So did Warren Buffet and Mark Zuckerberg.

These people also, by the most accepted definition, make a part of the, now hated, "1%". A class of people that have cheated (obviously, no?) their way to financial success globally with another broad stroke of the "99%" brush also marking them undeserving of their success. 

I defeat sarcasm and get serious

On the other hand, I am deep into 99%. But, my definition of "99%" and "1%" is something else. Jokes apart, Messrs Gates, Buffet and Zuckerberg do make it to my version of the 1% and quite deservedly so and with all due respect.

So, what is my version of the 99% and 1%, and how is it different from the one that gets us very emotional reactions the world over these days?

It goes thus. 

All of us are born with capabilities. Some to do well in the sciences, others in sports, some in journalism, some in book writing and so on and so forth. There are some among us that are good in a variety of disciplines (all power to them!!). 99% of us meet or fall below the imaginary line of expectation that gets bestowed on us given our capabilities. 1% of us (roughly speaking and mostly for argument sake) exceed those expectations.

What differentiates us then, from them?

Hunger.

Think about it. Do we think that Gates or Buffet or Zuckeberg or others like them, the world over, NEED to work. Well, maybe. But, not for money so they can buy a new laptop let's say. They have enough money so their children and their children's children do not have to work. Why do they keep working then?

Simply, because they want more. They want a better world perhaps, or to eradicate a disease (Malaria in Bill Gates' case) or to correct one thing about the crumbling third world (creation of a toilet that is self cleaning and requires less water, perhaps!?). 

I don't know what their deal is, but they seem to be still very hungry for success. They, and others like them, form my 1%. 

Lesson for me?

I am a new father who is trying to raise a child in a world that cherishes mediocrity. While everyone wishes to "fly under the radar" and put in their "8 to 5" and go home, there are those that rise and do more. They open businesses, help people in need, work with countries to do course correction and give, close to half their MOST DESERVEDLY earned wealth, to charity.

I want my son idolizing Superman and Spider-Man and Batman and Wonder Woman and all that they do. I want him to look at the good they bring to this world (not Batman, he just brings cool gadgets and a helluva detective prowess). But I also want him to aspire to become a part of, just like me, the 1%. Wealth is not important. Giving, and being more and doing more and exceeding expectations definitely is.

Image: Flickr (sathish_urs)

Lessons for a father - What's your pink elephant?

Do you think pink elephants exist?

To answer the question, whether with a yes or a no, we all would, for a fleeting second, believe in the existence of pink elephants; actually see a pink elephant using our imagination. That belief has to exist to give us an opportunity to believe in what is true - there are no pink elephants.

Now, what if the question was this: Do you think grey elephants exist?

I am pretty sure that the answer would be, without almost any intentional thought, a yes. Of course there are grey elephants. You might even tell me where to find one, i.e., the city zoo, Kenya, Tanzania, Botswana or India.

Let us try and make the questions a little more taxing to our thinking ability.

Do you think you can be successful in your current pursuit?

Difficult question, right? For any of us to be able to answer the question, we have to imagine what being successful really looks like. After we put some intentional thought into it and use our imagination to see ourselves in that state, the question transforms into this: Do we think we can get "there"?

All the effort that we put in to become good parents, and all the effort to get better in our professional lives is based on our unwavering trust in our own abilities and the belief that we could do and be better. The goal of providing our son with the best parenting possible and our respective organizations with excellence, on a daily basis, forms a part of our "pink elephant" - the idea of believing in something that might not currently exist.

If we did not believe in our own version of the "pink elephant" - that we could, for example, eat better, exercise more, learn something new regularly, or that a tree could grow from a small seed or that breast cancer could be eliminated, the pursuit of our goal can become very difficult indeed.

So here's me believing in our son's long life, in happiness, in the cure for cancer in the not-so-distant future and in being able to work on something that can make this world better.

What is your pink elephant?

Image: Flickr (Vigilantetim)

Lessons for a father - The Pursuit Of Happiness

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. - Excerpt from the United States Declaration of Independence.

That's what they said. That we all were equal and along with "Life" and "Liberty", all [humans] also had an unalienable right to pursue happiness. 

It is our God-given right and nothing and nobody can stop us from trying to be happy.

It is, without any doubt, a very powerful statement. It also is, quite frequently, a very confusing one. 

I am allowed to pursue happiness. Great! What, however, is happiness? 

Is it the feeling I get when my son wakes me up every morning with a smile? Or, is it what I feel when I achieve an honor at work? Maybe, it is the finishing of a marathon that is happiness?

Is it what Gandhi was striving for when he fought, non-violently, for his people's rights? May be, Martin Luther King wanted happiness when he had a dream of a time when all races would be considered equal.

As a very strong and little girl proved to the world, happiness, often, is not defined by something big and life changing. It can be achieved with something as simple as being heard.

Her name is Anneya and at the grand old age of 12, she chose, at school, to step up to face ethical and moral adversity and advocate equality.

Not only did she stand up against the unfair treatment, she also made sure that other students were not exposed to the unpleasant situation.

12. That is how old she is. That was the age when I would think of little else but going out with friends, completely unknown to the idea of "Otherness". 

It is the same age when Albert Einstein taught himself Euclidean geometry and Ludwig van Beethoven became an assistant organist. What does a 12 year old Einstein and Beethoven have in common with a little school going girl? 

They, as kids, were happy to do what they were doing without any expectation of greatness or success. They did what they did to be happy!

While Einstein and Beethoven found pleasure, and greatness, in science and music respectively, Anneya, pursues happiness by finding no difference between herself and other students at school in matters of the color of their skin.

Yes, the world needs a Lincoln more than ever. Gandhi and Martin Luther King would, possibly, be able to solve a lot of our issues, but if the future of our tumultuous present lies in the hands of these 12 year olds, I am pretty sure that the commercial playing on TV is correct - we, indeed, are in good hands! 

Image: Abraham Lincoln (Wikipedia)