Lessons for a father - Degree Of Dunken-ness

Have you ever dunked a cookie in a good cup of tea or milk? I hope you have. It is an art to have the perfect dunk. There is also some serious science behind it. What is certain, however, that a perfect dunk usually leads to a much enhanced taste and can lead to an overall great experience.

People, in some countries (mine included) take dunking so seriously that Physics equations have been cited to come up with the optimal time span, based on the fluid in which dunking is taking place and what we are dunking, that the cookie should spend in the tea (for example). One of the equation that is cited is Washburn's Equation.

Where t is the time for a liquid of dynamic viscosity η and surface tension ϒ to penetrate a distance L into the capillary whose pore diameter is D - Source: Wikipedia

Our son and I enjoy dunking our cookies in milk or in my cup of chai. If it goes well and assuming we are good at it, we love our cookies even more. If it does not go well, there is a chance that our milk or chai might require some cleaning up, another cookie or, at best, some flotsam.

I love this piece of science!!! It gives seriousness to something that is "just a fun activity". But it got me thinking.

All of us get pushed to do and be more than we think possible. Whether it is professionally where we are expected to produce better results, at the gym where we are expected to get fitter and stronger or as students where we learn something new daily. 

Our daily lives, full of expectations from ourselves and others, is not too different from that cookie being dunked in chai. We are the cookie. The deluge of information and expectations is our liquid of dynamic viscosity - our life chai.

Just like the piece of toast or biscuit, there is a limit of time after which we would break. We have to realize that, just like a cookie, not every person is fit for every kind of pressure. No matter how strong we are, we suffer from finiteness. Once we are there, at our degree of dunken-ness, we will break.

As leaders we must appreciate that if we do break our people by inundating them with pressures of expectations, we would have to clean up whatever happens next.

A cup of chai or a failed dunk with a cookie may not be important. Putting our teams through an unreal amount of pressure coupled with enormous expectations definitely is.

So here is what I would consider:

• Choose the main components of the dunk well: Whether it is your piece of biscuit or your team, make sure that they are the right choice for the dynamic environment that they are entering.
• Do not create unnecessary and unlimited pressure: It is important to expect more but behavioral alterations will not happen over night. Mind the time and amount of pressure that you put the team under.
• You are one team: Never forget that a good dunk requires 3 parts to work as one. 2 should be obvious by now. The third is us. We are the ones that do it. We are the ones that hold the right type of pressure for the right amount of time on the right components.

Happy dunking folks! I hope that you choose and treat your cookies well.

Lessons for a father - S.I.F.S

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When we were growing up there used to be this story of the boy who cried wolf one too many times. His cry for an urgent reaction, in this case to save his sheep from a wild animal, were repeated so many times without an actual urgency (no wolf!) that when it did happen no one responded. Based on the culture that we represent there may be multiple variations of this story.

Lesson learned there. Do not try to make urgent what might not even be important. Also, whatever you do, do not take help for granted.

A similar story involves the phrase "the sky is falling". 

What is it that we would do if the sky were to fall? 

In no particular order we would, possibly, leave what we were doing, run and hide and wait for things to settle down. What happens if someone was just "crying wolf" and the sky actually did not fall? We, collectively, would have wasted time by doing things (running, hiding and waiting) that we did not need to do. 

The perception of urgency, especially when vocalized, may lead to a behavioral shift, even temporarily, in all of us. At home or work, important should remain important and become urgent only at the right time.

A lot of us suffer from temporary loss of calm reason and engage in this Chicken Little moment. I have a name for it. I call it S.I.F.S - the Sky Is Falling Syndrome.

So the question really is, how do we make sure that we do not cry wolf if it is not needed? Here is what I have learned:

• Ask the right questions - Instead of being contended with "things are not working" how about we take the next step and ask "what is it that is not working exactly"?
• Set the definition of success - It is very hard to know if we are successful if we do not know what success looks like. It is like playing the competitive format of a sport without counting conditions for which the natural flow of the sport has to temporarily stop (goals, fouls, runs etc.). May be the goal is for our toddler to know the numbers from 1 through 5 or for our client to have an amazing experience using a new piece of software that was developed. What defines success?
• Only involve relevant people - When we get into a moment of adversity we all have a tendency to attack the problem with numbers. Instead our attempt should be to only call people that can kill or scare away the big bad wolf. Numbers have this weird habit of failing to be on the right side sometimes.
• Communicate. Communicate. Communicate - Communication, at least in my head, holds the same importance as location for a business. If at any time we are unable to answer the why, how, what, when and who of the goal, success, at best, might be temporary. In times of adversity, it helps if the quality and quantity of communication is taken to a higher level.
• Stay calm - Even if the sky is falling or the hungry big bad wolf attacks, move fast but stay calm. Chaos usually fuels bad behavior in times of distress. Take a couple of minutes. Drink some water. Taking a minute to calm down bears much sweeter fruit than those borne of turbulence.

The sky might be falling. But it may also be just the sign of a good rain. Instead of running and hiding, it might be time to go out and have fun.

Lessons for a father - The Game That Taught Me Leadership

Image Courtesy: Supercell

What if I said that everything I need to learn about leadership is part of this new game that my entire team has picked up? Sounds unbelievable? Before I started looking at the game in a new light, it was not something I was ready to consider or accept either. Then the game took over.

A few weeks ago a bunch of us started playing the Clash Of Clans ^®. According to the developers of the game, it is an "epic combat strategy game". I think it is more, much more. I think it is a great tool that can serve as a great lesson in goal setting, resource utilization and team building to name a few.

Question: How is it that a mobile game has an ability to teach us about leadership and managing teams and expectations?

Answer: Here is what I have learned so far:

• Never EVER stop getting better - Whether it is updating the offense and defense units in the game or your own self - keep updating!
• Updating will come at a cost - Defensive units might not be ready for an immediate need but the game is not played for short term gains. Studying and learning for ourselves might not give us an immediate new talent either. Stay with it though. Long term gains will follow.
• Failure is only an opportunity to get better - a 12 hour or a 16 hour shield in the game gives us a respite from another attack. It is also an indicator that we can get better. That is not so different from looking at a bad day at work as life's indicator to keep evolving.
• Learn from people that are better  - The game is being played by people from around the world. There are many that might have been playing it for much longer, and in a far better way, than you are. Observe their behavior. Learn from them. Again, keep getting better.
• Use your resources wisely - Keep asking yourself, both in the game and out of it, what is the most important thing I should be doing right now? Then, go and do it.
• Work will always take longer than you hope - Multi-day updates? Is this a joke? No it is not. All we can hope for is for work to take a short amount of time. It will, however, take the amount of time that it takes. Patience can be a learned art. Use your resources wisely.
• Opportunities will present themselves - Always be ready to make a decision based on context. May be gathering gems is more important than updating a building. Being aware and adapting to changing demands is wise both in the game and out of it.
• Work as a team - Make/ join a clan. Learn from each other. Ask questions. Share your resources. Fight as one. Teamwork, in the game, at work, at home and in just about anything we do, is a massive asset. Utilize it. 

Is it just a mobile game? May be. If, however, we are open to learning and getting inspiration from it, it might just turn out to be full of lessons in continuous growth, teamwork and leadership.

Play well and get 'em goblins!!!

Lessons for a father - The Best Gift Of All

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I really want to know. What is the best gift of all?

A lot of us appreciate good books. Books are a great medium of learning or to be transported into a land of imagination.

Great food, cooked at home or at a restaurant, never seems to be a bad idea either. Home cooked food obviously adds that extra personal touch, but either ways it makes for a great gift.

I have been told to stay away from all forms of colognes and perfumes. Various, very logical but mostly emotional, reasons have been cited. I defer to them.

So what do we do when we genuinely want to make a day or a moment special for someone?

And, what if we want to choose a gift that has professional relevance as well?

We all suffer from finiteness of various things in life. From lack of sleep to a lack of information, sometimes of work, and other times of happiness. Whatever the case may be there is always that something that is lacking in our lives. Something that we could do more of. Our stay in the world is one of them.

Given an unending life we would accomplish so much more than we do. Alas though, that is not possible. We have a very limited time on this beautiful planet within which all of us should contribute towards making it better. Leaving Earth better than we found it should be on everybody's to do list.

I would think that the best gift anyone could give me or have from me would be of time. That "extra" or gifted time can allow me to learn more, serve more, do more and be more. 

How do we, though, give that gift when we hardly seem to have enough for our own chores?

This might help:

• Make sure only people that can contribute directly to the job at hand are invited to meetings.
• Make sure meetings start and end on time. 
• Schedule time for responding to emails and phone calls. Distractions, even when they are relevant, often contribute to a wastage of time.
• Keep emails relevant and to the point. Use the subject line well (for example, phrases like [Information], [Response Required], [Urgent] can be used instead of explaining what the email is about).
• Schedule time for a mental and physical recharge. Take days off. Spend time with your loved ones. A well functioning mind can contribute a lot more than a tired and over-extended one. Even a brief walk or a coffee break can help.
• Meditate/ connect with your spiritual self. Between hitting the weights in the gym and solving Mathematical puzzles, spiritual health often gets ignored. It is equally, if not more, important.
• Prioritize. Prioritize. Prioritize.  Not everything is as important as it seems.
• Do not shy away from saying no. "We never say no" is a cliche that will take its toll.
• Optimize - stay away from redundant labor and utilize optimization tools wherever possible. 
• Most importantly - share your abundance. If you know of a tool or a trick that can make others' job easier, share it.

Here is my theory then. Food, books and even clothes are very relevant presents. None of it will matter, however, if we do not have the time to enjoy them. 

It will, therefore, be my intent to give the best gift of all - that of time.

What do you think makes a great gift?

Lessons for a father - Be The Change

Image Courtesy: Flickr

Great words of a great man. He did not say "wait for the change". He did not say "allow someone else to make the change for you". He said "be the change you want to see in the world". Unfortunately  he did not tell us how to do that! All he did was practice a certain kind of life and allowed anyone to follow his example if they wanted.

The Mahatma (great soul) left us with some pretty incredible examples of leadership.  Leading a country, that was full of anger, into independence, by following a path of non-violence was anything but easy. But, leadership is anything but easy.

That was then. This is now. Times have changed. Non-violence seems to keep getting pushed deeper into history lessons. Leadership, however, continues to be the need of the hour and whether it was his time or ours, anyone can follow in his footsteps and become a leader. 

How do we, then, translate that great lesson in leadership into our daily lives?

One thing we can do is to make a commitment and stay true to bringing a change within ourselves.

• For those of us that want to become better leaders - let us start by asking at least one person this week a very simple question - "what can I do better?". It will show vulnerability, intention to improve, will require active listening and trust. All traits of a leader.
• For those of us that want to spend more time with the family and friends - let us try and switch off our "connection" to the rest of the world when we are with our loved ones. Instead of concentrating on quantity of time spent, let us also focus on the quality of that engagement.
• For those of us that want to be healthier - let us start with forgoing junk food for 1 day a week, taking the stairs one day a week, going to the gym once a week and drinking more water. Let us then follow that with doing all that for any 2 days of the week. Let us start small, be successful and then challenge ourselves to get better with time.
• For those of us who want to read more - let us start with reading 10 pages of a good book every day. Once we get into that habit, it will be hard to stop at 10 pages.

Gandhi's dreams of the world and the behavior that I talk about might be misaligned. There is something in common though. A change cannot start and be successful if we are not willing to change.

So, yes, let us be the change,  let us start with ourselves and whatever we do, let us not fail the faith that the great man had in humanity - in us and our goodness.

What are you doing to change into a better version of yourself?