Lessons for a father - It Is All In Our Heads

Our son continues to be my teacher (unknowingly and unintentionally, of course) while setting new goals for himself. As determined as he is, at the moment, his valiant attempts to crawl are still a "work in progress". However, it is his persistence and single-mindedness that stops him from failing. The intent and ambition that our infant displays, on a regular basis, in trying to move forward, using all his limbs, is great to witness and an inspiration unto itself. The word failure, at least at the moment, does not exist in his head (actually no word exists there, I would think) and that is a huge advantage as I was to learn this week.

It so happens that as and when my wife and I get time, we like to work out. Like other new parents, we would like to do more but do not usually get to it with enough time or the requisite amount of motivation and strength. So the time that we do get, we try and utilize to the maximum. What also helps is we have one of the best trainers that this city has to offer and he makes sure that the fruits of our labor are sweet (it takes about a couple of days for the result to be anything but painful or for the soreness to go away). Daniel Baker (click here for his website), at least to me, is part trainer, part mentor and part psychologist who knows my strengths and weaknesses very well. His story keeps reminding me that wanting to excel is more an attitude than anything else.

While lifting weights this week, I reached my ceiling. I could not see myself lifting more than where I was at the moment. On the other hand Mr. Baker thought I had enough to lift some more. The conversation that ensued can be summarized thus:

• Daniel Baker: Piyoosh, you are going to lift this new weight now.

• Piyoosh Rai: I cannot. It is impossible to lift anymore.

• Daniel Baker: You want to get better? Stop thinking. Lift

• Piyoosh Rai: (in a skeptical tone) You are responsible for what happens next.

Surprise of all surprises, I was able to not just lift the new weight, but also to repeat the exercise 2 more times. Daniel was right. What was stopping me was not the extra pounds on the machine, but the block that I had in my head. That self-created limitation kept trying to convince me to not attempt something that had the potential of ending in failure. Listening and trusting my teacher was the best thing I could do. Apparently, I am not just getting physically stronger, I am also gaining mental strength.

In a sense Daniel reminded me of our role with our son. Unlike me, our son does not give up. He just does not know how to. That makes him stronger than I am, at least mentally. It also reminded me that to remove the existence of the word "failure" from my dictionary, all I had to do was give, to everything I do, my best without any fear to not be successful. What happens next, whatever it might be, is usually awesome and might very well be - life changing.

Are there any self-created ceilings that you suffer from? What do you do to push through it?