Lessons for a father - Listening to the unsaid

There are events in all our lives that make us stop dead on our tracks with all the capacity to do anything, even move, taken away from us. I was blessed with such a moment last week.

The story is of an Autistic girl that proved a lot of "experts" wrong. And I say that with all the respect for the medical and research community. I think sometimes we forget that our expertise in fields of research is almost always based on our definition of the problem. In other words, we assume what the problem is and base our solution on the assumption(s) that we started out with. Here is the problem: There is nothing to corroborate our assumptions against, till the time that we are proven wrong (or right, which is definitely true in some cases).


With all the Science and Mathematics that is taken into account to while we create our professional growth chart, we almost always lose out on not being taught the very basis of all good communication: our ability to Listen.

So what are the components of listening? In my opinion, it would definitely comprise of:

1. Going into a conversation with an intent to listen.
2. Not speaking (let the other person talk) - this does not mean not saying anything at all, but not interrupting.
3. Patience (and sometimes a lot of it). The person that we are communicating with might be at a different level on the subject but that does not take away their right to express their opinion on the topic.
4. Removal of all preconceived notions and prejudices - we should never enter a conversation or a dialog with our mind already made up.
5. Listen and watch for the unsaid: This is, I think, the most important component of the exercise. Things like tone, gestures, facial expressions et al should never be ignored.

As leaders, professional, social or otherwise, and as parents, listening is an art-form that should, in all earnest, be present in our arsenal for sure. I just hope that this learning experience with our son can help me keep my ears and mind open.